DO NOT ADJUST YOUR BROWSER.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT FOR BFS AWARD PURPOSES!
FREE BOOKS! I REPEAT, FREE BOOKS!
WE DISRUPT YOUR USUAL BROWSING TO BRING YOU
A PARTY PUBLISHING BROADCAST FROM HUMDRUMMING
[Sitting behind a desk fashioned from the pulped remnants of a crate of The Illustrated Da Vinci Code, which he has been using in place of toilet paper, sits The Right Dishonourable Guy Adams, C.E.O. for Humdrumming during the year 2007. His suit shines as much as his smile, his lips redolent of a sweet milk musk from the thousands of babies they have so recently kissed]
“Welcome readers of England, welcome!”
[He bows his head slightly, imagining the euphoric applause of the orgiastic masses that — in his mind at least — hang on his every word]
“We stand at the brink of a new age my gentle page turning folk, with the recent British Fantasy Society recommendations for works published during 2007, we here at Humdrumming have become contenders for Best Small Press while Gary McMahon’s All Your Gods Are Dead as well as my own sweet imaginings, Deadbeat: Dogs of Waugh, hope for Best Novella. Additionally, The First Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories is recommended for Best Anthology and Michael Kelly’s story in it, ‘The Kraken’ is recommended for Best Short Fiction.”
[Again, that half bow]
“We therefore felt the time was right to enter stage two of our publishing plan…”
[The camera zooms in on his left eye, bloodshot and crazy from far, far too many artificial stimulants]
“Nothing less than Total Global Domination!”
[Camera zooms back, desperate to distance itself from his sulphurous breath. He nods, chuckling at the voices in his head; the ones who make him do all the bad things, the dirty things…]
“Read on my children, this site is your home to all things campaign related, news, promotions, free stuff… Jump on board now for soon we will have control over your bookshelves. Let Grisham fear, let Patterson tremble, let Brown go into hiding. We are the future. Free beer and cakes for all!”
[He laughs, mad as a Hamster in a snow pile of crack, the camera cuts to static] |
